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It’s different when you are with someone just because it’s convenient for the both of you than being in a romantic relationship because you’re in love.
When you stay in a partnership because it’s ideal for both of you, you may be in a relationship of convenience.
Do you feel that you’re in this type of relationship? How can you tell if you’re really in love or just staying for convenience?
What is a relationship of convenience?
Affection is always greater than perfection. No matter how cordial and compatible you are with someone on a platonic level, you are going to crave the first-sight moments if that is lacking.
A true relationship needs a deeper connection on an emotional and physical level. Things are likely to melt away sans a deep interconnection.
To know if you are in a convenient relationship, check which characteristics apply to your relationship.
Is it mutual feelings or shared activities?
There’s no hard and fast rule to be in a relationship.
You can go through a phase with no major love goals where you just find yourself comfortable with someone. You like spending hours with someone without feeling any emotional arousal. You caress each other out of pleasure but don’t feel the yearning. This is possibly a convenient relationship.
How far do you think you can take it? After a while, there will be a “not-anymore moment.”
No matter how comforting a convenient relationship is, it does not have the tendency to long last.
However, it can be healthy for some people in certain situations. Comradeship can never replace love. It is never going to be your ultimate goal. However, there is no denying that it can satiate your needs on a temporary basis.
Settling down for less than you deserve
A lot of ambitious people yearn to fall for someone hard.
Yet they struggle to find their special someone. In the struggling phase, when they get tired, they look around for a convenient relationship. They want their struggle to be compensated with something comforting.
This is when they actually give up on their love goals and find a convenient escape route. However, this may also not give them what they have been groping for.
You don’t feel like growing
A conventional relationship is always going to pinch you in the back of your mind to go and search for more than you have, while love will shower you with more than you have ever asked for.
Love does all the good, that too effortlessly. Love does not let you complain about what you don’t have. In fact, it will instill you with a sense of unending satisfaction.
A romantic partner or social partner? Who is it? Decide
At times, you just want to have someone you can go out with, someone you can share your bills with, and someone you can introduce to the world as your partner. That’s exactly what we call a convenient relationship.
For all the social reasons, you choose to accept someone in your life with open arms and try to adjust. This may relieve you of all the apparent worries, but this could keep the yearning alive and more active in you.
A convenient relationship is given birth for all the materialistic reasons in general.
When a partner is too short of something so basic, they initiate a convenient relationship. Nevertheless, the emptiness still goes on with the flow. People in a convenient relationship can’t get rid of the hollowness that ascertains the existence of more problems.
What spell love casts
Love, on the other hand, guarantees the detoxification of the soul and heart.
You get a sense of intimacy every which way. If you have found the right one, you start liking yourself even more. You not only come to love your partner, but you also fall in love with yourself all over again.
Every minute of your attention span means the world to you. Every inch of your partner sounds divine to you.
The true feelings arouse within no time. You adorn the glimpse of your partner all the more. In fact, you celebrate each other’s presence on earth.
You truly embrace each other’s attributes and empathize with one another’s shortcomings and weaknesses instead of staring down at them. There’s optimism in the air and lively hopes.
All should be perfect in paradise
You no longer belong to two different worlds when in love.
Both worlds merge and become one paradise. But you also need to keep your paradise realistic. Love is no poetry. It is true to all intents and purposes. If it can be dreamt, it can be done, as we know.
True love also goes through rough patches, but the sense of integration remains.
This magnetic connection cannot fulfill a couple’s material needs. Surely, a lot more needs to be done to strengthen the relationship. However, love will help you stay glued to each other when your relationship hits a rough patch.
Love is the foundation of a relationship, without which no relationship can stand its ground.
Find the one-stop shop, people
Every now or then, you will feel the burden of a convenient relationship.
It will bog you down, and your soul will stop nurturing. A convenient relationship is more like an unwanted yet inevitable ‘set of responsibilities’ that eventually makes you tired and want to let go. It isn’t wind beneath your wings, indeed.
How to differentiate between love and convenient relationship
What is a relationship of convenience compared to love? We can differentiate the two by the connection that the couple shares.
When you are in love and in a relationship, you share a deep emotional bond that includes mutual and genuine affection.
If you are in a relationship of convenience, then your purpose is often driven by practical considerations and enjoying mutual benefits.
The main distinction between the two is basically the strong emotional bond.
5 pros and 5 cons of being in a relationship of convenience
Like any other decision, a relationship of convenience has its pros and cons. If you’re curious if you are already in one or if you are considering entering this type of relationship, then check these out.
Here are the pros of entering a relationship of convenience:
1. You’ll have a companion
What does convenience mean for couples who choose to be in a relationship? One benefit is that you’ll have a companion until you’re okay with the setup. You don’t have to worry about keeping the love burning because you are not after that.
You have someone to call your spouse, and you can build a lasting relationship with someone you can consider as a friend but not a lover.
2. It’s more flexible
These types of relationships may be more flexible than a traditional romantic relationship, allowing both partners to maintain their independence and pursue their own interests.
It is a convenient relationship for him and her. If one wants to work longer hours, go back to school, or be assigned to faraway places, they don’t have to worry about their partners getting lonely or breaking the bond.
They can pursue their career, hobbies, and so much more without fearing that their partners will fall out of love.
3. Mutual agreement
A relationship of convenience includes a contract. You both want to set clear rules and mutual understanding about your relationship. This will benefit both of you and ensure a well-balanced relationship.
You can set out responsibilities and boundaries in which you both feel at ease and confident. This will work better if you have clear and open communication and will talk if there are discrepancies, misunderstandings, or questions about your mutual agreement.
4. Less pressure
If you’re in a relationship of convenience, you’d love how it can sometimes be liberating. There is less pressure in your relationship than ina relationship governed by love.
Some people prefer less drama and pressure, and they try to avoid the sometimes negative effects of romantic relationships. This is where this type of relationship comes in.
This type of relationship could really work well as long as you know your boundaries and still respect each other.
According toGrady Shumway, a licensed clinical social worker:
Low pressure in a relationship can enable a sense of ease, mutual understanding, and emotional safety between partners, allowing for more authentic and fulfilling connections.
By alleviating expectations and creating space for individual growth, couples can cultivate a healthier dynamic built on acceptance and support.
5. Practical benefits
One reason people opt to enter a relationship of convenience is the practical benefits. If you are married, you get better tax breaks.
Not just that, you will also share living expenses, be able to save more, gain financial support, live a better life, and so much more.
The best part for some people is that they can enjoy these without the need to invest in emotional connections, pressure, challenges,or romantic relationships.
Now, let’s take a look at the cons of choosing a friendship of convenience turned relationship:
1. Lack of emotional connection
Relationships of convenience lack some important aspects. These are deep emotional connection, romantic feelings, intense sexual compatibility, and deep intimacy.
We can only find these in a genuine romantic relationship, which can leave both partners feeling unfulfilled or dissatisfied. There will be times when one or maybe both partners may feel dissatisfied or feel that something is lacking in their relationship.
2. One might fall for the other
No one knows what the future brings. Sure, you can be confident that your relationship is purely out of convenience. You might have been eager to set boundaries and rules, but what if you find yourself romantically in love with your partner?
Unfortunately, this happens – a lot. Out of the blue, you realize that it’s no longer about convenience. You truly care about this person, and you start feeling the urge to be loved in return.
However, if the other can’t or doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, then your relationship will become one-sided.
Soon, one might feel neglected, hurt, and even used. This could form resentment that can ruin your relationship of convenience.
3. You have limited growth
In a relationship of convenience, you keep your independence, and you can even pursue your dreams, but since you and your partner are focused on your individual dreams, you don’t grow together.
There is limited growth as a couple since there is no urge for you both to work as one or as a team.
4. No commitment
No matter how beneficial your relationship is, without that deep emotional bond or connection, your partnership could come crashing down. It’s like a building, no matter how tall, would falter without a good foundation.
Without a strong emotional commitment to each other, your relationship may not last through trials or be sustainable over the long term.
Related Reading: 35 Key Tips on How to Get Him to Commit to a Relationship5. You feel something is missing
Everything is going great; you’re achieving both of your dreams, your finances are great, and you have a friendship of convenience other than your relationship, but somehow, you feel incomplete.
There will be times when you feel that something is missing or when you yearn for something you don’t know yet. Sooner or later, you’ll realize that it’s still wonderful to be in a romantic relationship.
15 signs that you’re in a relationship of convenience
Sometimes, you have to face the truth, the reality that maybe you’re in a relationship of convenience and not love. It happens. Sometimes this relationship isn’t mutual but a facade for everyone, even you.
Let’s dig deeper and understand the signs of a relationship of convenience. This would help people fully comprehend whether this type of relationship is good or not.
1. You know there’s something wrong in your relationship
As they say, always trust your gut feeling. If you feel like there is something wrong in your relationship, then ask yourself, where does this doubt come from?
Do you feel like your partner wants something from you or gets something out of your relationship?
If you sometimes feel happy but then realize that something’s not right in your setup, Then it’s time to dig deeper and realize that maybe your partner is only after a relationship of convenience.
2. They aren’t available for you
When you need someone to be there for you, your partner is never there.
If you are in a romantic relationship, you will never feel alone. When you’re sad, or you have a problem, somehow, your partner will know, and you can expect love and attention.
In a relationship of convenience, it’s those times when you need someone that your partner is unavailable. It’s not that they are doing this on purpose, but it’s the harsh reality that your partner won’t come running for you when you need them.
3. You don’t consider each other as priorities
Sure, you live together, do things together, and even go out sometimes. But if you need something, want something, or want to go somewhere, your partner may not even consider this a priority.
If they would go on a vacation, eat out, or have a night out, they may ask you, but they may also not. Basically, you have your own set of priorities and lives to live. You may hang out together, but unlike romantic relationships, it’s not that deep.
Related Reading: Top 10 Priorities in a Relationship4. You haven’t met each other’s family
How close are you with your partner’s family? How many times a month do you come and visit?
When you’re in love and in a relationship, you can’t help but be excited about introducing your partner to your dearest family.
If you haven’t met them yet and your partner isn’t really giving hints they will introduce you, then there is a big chance that you have a relationship of convenience.
5. You’re not yet acquainted with their friends or family
What if you already know your partner’s friends and family, but there’s no interaction? You don’t see them often and your partner doesn’t put effort into seeing your side as well.
In a romantic relationship, it’s normal to have dinner dates or weekend barbecues at home. If you don’t have these and they’re just close by, then you might really start to wonder. These signs don’t belong in a romantic relationship.
6. You don’t have a connection
As two hearts fall in love, they become one. You feel that spark, that loving and intimate connection between you and your partner.
At first, you might think you’re just busy or tired, but over the months, you might feel that distant feeling or incomplete connection or intimacy.
If you don’t feel that deep connection and you feel that your care for one another isn’t complete like there’s something missing, then you might realize, is this really a romantic relationship or a relationship of convenience?
7. There’s no plan for your future together
While you’re in love, you get excited to prepare for the next ten years of your future together. It’s how love works. You just can’t wait to spend a lifetime together.
But if you’re noticing that, even after years of being together, you’ve never made plans for your future, but you have individual plans, then it’s time to rethink your relationships.
Related Reading: A Couple’s Guide to Financially Preparing for the Future Together8. There’s almost no intimacy
Did you know that there are five types of intimacy?
There is physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and social intimacy. In a healthy romantic relationship, a couple would work on many intimacies.
Can you confidently say that you have them in your relationship? If not, then it might be that aside from not having a strong connection, you also don’t share intimacy with each other. Unfortunately, without these, your relationship won’t be strong.
9. You only talk about practical matters
We can’t stress how important communication is in any relationship. Do you talk? Do you have those deep late-night conversations where you feel you’ve known this person whole your life?
Communication strengthens the bond, fixes issues, and aids in the couple’s growth. If you only talk about practical things like bills, groceries, and where to go on the weekend, then it’s definitely a convenient relationship for him or her.
10. You feel more like housemates than romantic partners
Another relationship of convenience signs is that you feel you’re just living together like housemates and not lovers.
There’s no effort in waiting for the other to come home before eating, no goodnight and cuddling, and most of all, you don’t feel like lovers living in one home.
Maybe even your family and friends have noticed this, too. It just feels like you are friends living under one roof, but definitely not more than that.
Related Reading: How to Make Your Relationship More Romantic11. You don’t spend time together
Lovers can’t get enough of each other. They want to cook together, take a shower together, and even buy groceries together.
Love is like that, time will never be enough, and you’re always excited to do things with the person you adore so much. That’s not the case with a relationship of convenience.
If you’re not getting something, then you’d rather not spend time with your partner. Your partner even reasons that you are both capable of doing things independently.
Related Reading: 11 Ways to Spend Some Quality Time With Your Partner12. There’s little to no effort in your relationship
Efforts show love because you will do whatever you can to show this person how much they mean to you. If you’re in a relationship out of convenience, it’s seldom to see someone put in so much effort.
There may be instances where they show effort or even affection, but only if it serves a purpose.
13. They are not interested in your opinion
Did your partner purchase a new appliance or maybe a new one? Did your partner ask you or listen to your opinion about this matter?
If you feel you don’t have a voice in your relationship or you are never heard, then that’s one sign that you’re not in a healthy relationship. It could be a relationship of convenience or something else.
14. Your relationship is easy but cold
People who have been in this type of relationship think of it as easy but cold. You don’t have intense feelings, so there are fewer emotional roller coaster rides, but since there’s no fire or passion, you feel cold and distant with your partner.
You both get by, and your relationship survives, but you don’t feel like you’re in a healthy relationship, which leads to the next one.
Related Reading: 15 Proven Tips on How To Make Your Relationship Better15. You feel unhappy
What does convenience mean if you’re in a relationship? It’s when you get by. You live together and work together for a certain goal, but there are so many holes in this relationship.
As time passes, you realize you don’t get emotional satisfaction, you don’t feel you’re being considered, you don’t see a bright future ahead of you, and lastly, you admit to yourself that you are unhappy.
Why? It’s because you’re not really in a romantic relationship. You’rein a partnership for convenience.
Terri Cole, a psychotherapist for the past 25 years, talks about how you can be more happy. Watch the video below:
What to do if you find yourself in a relationship of convenience
If you find yourself in a relationship of convenience, it’s time to be honest with yourself and your partner about your feelings.
Take some time to read through:
1. Acknowledge the situation that you are in
Admit to yourself that, yes, you’re not happy with this setup because of what you have realized.
2. Communicate
Have a heart-to-heart talk with your partner. Explain your concerns and ask for their perspective.
Related Reading: 20 Ways to Improve Communication in a Relationship3. Seek relationship counseling
If you see that your partner is willing to change and you both want to work on the relationship, consider enrolling in a relationship counseling session with a therapist. The licensed professional can help you explore your feelings; and equip you with skills to work on your relationship.
4. Reassess your priorities
Think about your future and your needs. If you think you’re not going anywhere and that you’re just wasting your time and emotions, then it may be time to end it.
Grady Shumway says:
Assessing priorities in a relationship involves openly discussing values, goals, and expectations with your partner to ensure alignment and mutual understanding.
By regularly revisiting and adapting priorities together, couples can cultivate a strong foundation built on shared values and collective growth.
5. Take action
If you realize that you have to end your relationship, do so with respect and kindness. Discuss the reasons and why it’s better to end it.
Are relationships of convenience ever healthy?
The truth is, there is nothing wrong if a couple chooses to be in a relationship of convenience. It could even serve them benefits. It only becomes unhealthy when you’re no longer happy with your setup.
Choosing a mutual setup by two grownups is perfectly fine as long as no one gets hurt or is taken advantage of. Such relationships can surely be happy, but the same cannot be said about being healthy.
Love is the convenience you need!
Remember, you decide to enter a relationship because you want it. It’s because you’re happy and you like the setup that you’re in.
If you think that a relationship of convenience will be good for you, then no one could really tell you otherwise. However, if you get hurt, feel you’re being exploited, or are no longer happy, then don’t hesitate to end it.
Choose your happiness, go for what is healthy, and most of all, love and be loved.
